Broadcast: Saturday, 12th March, 1988
Character: Mr. Kendel
An ostentatious music promo director, Patrick Church (Keith Allen), has thumbed his nose at making the new UB40 video, as he believes he’s in line to work with David Bowie on his next project. Unfortunately, the job is given to young up-and-coming director and so Patrick is forced to go back – cap in hand – to UB40 in the hope that they’ll give him a second chance.
The band are playing a concert which Church decides to attend. Unbeknown to Patrick, a scientist (Adrian Edmondson) and his assistant have set up an experiment in Psychic Transportation in their lab behind the concert hall, and when he makes a dash to the toilet during the show, he steps into what he believes is a porta-loo, but is in fact one of the chambers being used by the scientists. There his DNA becomes mixed with that of football hooligan, Steve (Gary Olsen), who is taking part in the experiment. The result is that the personality of the once pretentious director is gradually morphing into that of a yobbish Cockney Arsenal supporter.
On the day of the video shoot of UB40’s new single, the camera happens to be focused on the band’s bass player when Patrick calls for the shot to end. The director is annoyed when he realises what has happened, and immediately demands for the film to be re-shot – only this time he instructs the shocked cameraman not to “finish on the sooty”.
At the after-shoot party, Patrick’s incessant muttering doesn’t go unnoticed, nor does his swilling pint after pint of beer instead of his usual spritzers. Much the worse for drink, he takes umbrage at a black man who he claims is hitting on his girlfriend, and resolves to open a bottle of Champagne in the man’s face. Soon after, Patrick withdraws to the toilets, where shortly after his girlfriend follows to find him having sex with another woman.
The following day, the girlfriend arrives at the flat she shares with Patrick, only to find him in bed with yet another woman. She decides to pack her things and leave, but discovers that all her clothes have been replaced with some overtly tarty attire which she herself would never wear. Patrick is now seen morphing bodily into The Yob. Moments later, he’s stopping down the road, chanting, “You’re gonna get your ‘ead kicked in!”
Moments later, the scientist and his assistant roll up in their car and explain that Steve, who is perfectly happy with the persona he inherited from Patrick, is driving his mother (Gwen Walford) and step-father, Mr. Kendel (Peter Wyngarde), round the bend.
At the local pub sometime later, there’s a fancy dress competition for which Mr. Kendel has turned up dressed as a black Nazi – complete with SS uniform. But it’s Steve that wins the competition, but just as he’s about to accept his prize, Patrick arrives and proceeds to viciously head-butt him, which causes all the other patrons to go crazy.
Patrick and Steve are separated by the scientists and taken back to their lab, where it’s hoped that the botched procedure can be reversed. But then the assistant comes up with a better idea – namely to merge the two men into one.
While the two scientists are concentrating on setting up the procedure, they fail to notice the lab cat chasing a fly into one of the Transference Pods. When the door of the pod in which Patrick and Steve were bundled into opens, they find a devastatingly handsome man, but whose lower half is that of a Ginger Tom cat.
A Bit Of Trivia
- This episode featured a number of well-known faces and future stars, including: Lilly Allen, Warren Clarke and Julian Firth amongst others.
- Derrick Branche, who played a character called Chris Bell, was a school friend of Freddie Mercury.
PETER WYNGARDE: The Official Website 
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