FAN FICTION: Langdale Times

‘The Pen Is Mightier Than the Sword’

Written by Gavin Llewellyn

Tidings!” exclaimed this sartorially elegant figure as it spun from the window in a display of erratic delight which cast a fervent glow into the dim reaches of that splendid parlour. All around lay souvenirs of bygone days, from the outer most reaches of the civilization to the comparative triviality of continental travelling. Tapestry and book, bone and dagger were curious bedfellows, united by the common thread of ownership to produce a veritable explosion of the variegated voyages to which they owed their present circumstance. The day was not yet middle aged, but the sunlight, that distinctive, unrelenting force which threatened the treasures of this opulent sanctuary, was already pounding the beige blinds at half-mast and now the elegant figure straightened to its maximum height, for it never succumbed to the often-enticing urge to relax its shoulders when the feet were burdened with a full load.

The distinguishing characteristics, for it is as well to give an account of these in early course in order that the reader might form a picture of the man whose vigorous external exertions we are disposed to expound, unremarkable as free standing objects, but upon the countenance of that outstanding gentlemen, the incontrovertible signature of that peerless amalgam of aristocracy current, sagacity, intelligence, magnetism, enchantment and boldness, provoking in the minds of all who had had the providential good fortune to behold him a portrait of an adventurer, a Buccaneer, a chevalier, a daring-do, dashing, debonair defier of dastardly deeds, a majesty amongst men, his exquisitely sculptured receptacles for four or five terrestrial senses, his magnificently crafted skull the vault into whose depths there was no-one who could claim to have looked for untold, unearthly senses, his mysterious ocular organs glinting with the celestial profundity of the oceans he had crossed; a mirror of the adventures he had seen, his magnificently his capacious moustache an umbrella for his enigmatic lips, the crowning glory of this sacredly credible compendium flirting expression into the gently swirling waves of dark brown hair which wandered courteously about but with an elegance which told of the Patrician patrimony.

“And to you, my good friend”, expressed ‘the dear friend’ who was seated adjacent to the fireplace, reaping the rewards of a glass of the finest whisky. Who raised this same glass as a token of his esteem.

“Tidings – the collective noun for a group of magpies”. The tone of this explication was far from patronising, for the cheerfulness with which it was enunciated was its sole occupant. a testament to the general appreciation kindled in the heart of that supreme being for the versatility of the English language. ‘The dear friend’ was unmoved by the infusion of some of his companion, but congratulated him with another, non-verbal to toast and a polite smile. We are, per chance, justified in hypothesising that the amplitude of ‘the dear friend’s’ waist played a not insignificant rȏle in his reluctance to become injected with ardour which so obviously drove his chum along life’s contorted carriageways.

“I shall use the term in my next column – probably after tonight’s farcical gathering of players at the Marquis of Albury’s party. Do you know, it is the third this month? He must be up to something. Causing the favours of some rich widow no doubt, a vain attempt to replenish his diminishing fortune”.

“But I thought that the Marquess of Albury was one of the richest men in the country”. There was a constantly burbling quality to ‘the dear friend’s’ voice which was the likely successor to decades of underlying addiction to a variety of restorative beverages.

“A wealth which ias negligently dissipated in several, injudicious investments and ventures, Barney. Combined with a puerile affection for entertainment”.

“So, you are attending tonight to help relieve him of some additional capital?” A mirthful Inflexion coated this interrogative.

“Rapidly reoccurring ennui is, rather unfortunate, the by-product of supreme intelligence”, the man standing with his back to the illumination sighed.

***

Tables brimmed and wine flowed, and ladies and gentlemen of the highest echelons frolicked merrily when the orchestra began flirting jauntily with its instruments. The proceedings were conducted with such great ebullience, in fact, that several spillages and the trampling of chicken bones under foot went quite unnoticed.

For the courtly (we can hardly say cultivated when so exquisite a comportment is the inevitable heritage awaiting one) gentlemen whose exploits it is our time-honoured privilege to recount for the general beneficent instruction of indubitably and manifestly inferior mortals, however, the evening passed without great amusement. The rubicund, bloated gentleman who had to be supported to the wings was a trifling diversion. The anorexic lady with the spectacles who performed the splits in the middle of a catastrophic rendition of a popular dance gave rise to no more than a flicker of mirth on the urban and unique countenance. He lounged lethargically with a glass in hand, with opulent, antique ring out sparkling the pale liquid which he poured indifferently (for he had sampled superior specimens) into the foresaid receptacle. All the while, the music chanted as if it had leapt into an ethereal plane which rendered it independent of the unrelenting minstrels. Still the cavorting and cascading continued. Would it ever cease? Would that some dramatic and singular enlighten the heart of the Observer. For that gentleman had already begun to construct diverse modes of embellishing the proceedings for the entertainment of the readers of whom he had spoken to his ‘dear friend’, Barney.

He had noted the presence of a lady upon whom he had reflected that he had not had the pleasure of gazing and for the next hour scrutinised her every move with the instinctive attentiveness of an eagle. A new face could not distract from the established monotony of the occasion and our subject began to feel verily enlivened at her not insignificant diffidence amongst the other guests. We have stated ‘other’ without qualification, but at this juncture, it was a lingering doubt whether the said different lady was in fact herself a guest. This lady, whose acquaintance the subject of this account have decided instantly to make, appeared to flitter from group to group as if in search of the person whose selflessness had procured the attendance of a stranger at the event that continued all around. She smiled timidly at the gentleman whose urbanity stood out from the crowd, which distinctiveness, we reflect, might very well have been the cause of her attempt to gain the confidence of one who gave the appearance of uncommon lack of involvement in the recreations. The gentleman assessed her character and intentions with a solitary, but all-pervading sweep of his angelic, sparkling blue eyes and returned her smile with more confidence than she had mustered when it had been her turn.

“You’re enjoying the festivities?” She spoke with a perceptible accent.

“I am sure they are nothing compared to the galas you have in Spain.” His voice was rich and velvety, pouring over the word suavely like the continuous flow of water that polished a bed of stones. A fleeting look of terror scudded across a face, an emotion which she quickly concealed with a nervous smile. For him, however, it was all the confirmation he required (if any were necessary) that the lady was not here entirely of her own volition. He sensed that her presence was a means to an end, a painful, but necessary experience in her tumultuous life.

“I do not attempt to conceal a truth from so evidently perceptive a gentleman. Our initial trepidation was overcome by bravado.”

“You have come a long way, Senora,” he brandished xenarthrally.

“It is a long tale, my good Sir, and now I must bid you farewell.” Her attempt to terminate the germination and of their connaissance was stifled abruptly, without the remotest tendency to physical obstruction:

“Isabel.” His eye held her motionless, creating a moratorium in which she came to realise that the only path which lay open to her was the one which consisted in a confidence. He had an aspect which precipitated her decision to tell him everything. There existed in the bold lines of his countenance and experience in such matters, a sagacious quality which left no doubt in her mind that a consultation with this gentleman would very likely be profitable. She checked herself again, however, and for a scintilla temporis, that cloud of hesitation returned to overshadow her momentary buoyancy.

“My name. How…?”

“I am fully acquainted with your predicament, Senora.” Her eyes flickered nervously over the company. “Do not concern yourself with them, for they are quite unaware of your presence, your identity.” His flamboyant, engulfing gesture, indicating the crowd, gave him a languid and carefree feature which invested her with a trace of the same. The festivities around them were suddenly a mere backdrop.

All attention was now fixed upon him. Nothing else mattered. No one else mattered. She did not care what anyone else did, for her fate was instantly an immovably in his hands.

“Allow me the pleasure of introducing myself. My name is Pike, Langdale Pike.” He pulled her across to the floor where the room was spinning round the heads of the more indulgent revellers. They danced. “We are conspicuous by our absence. It would not be fitting to leave now, for we should certainly be witnessed. Not all those present are in quite the state of ecstasy as they would have you believe.” Not another word was uttered between them until the grand clock suspended from the north wall of the ballroom struck a solemn 12 and two-by-two, the dancing partners took refuge in the red drawing room. “We can leave now.”

“You are not like other people here tonight.” It was a simple statement which somehow sufficed to express her whole attitude towards her exploits and her circumstances. They sat, sequestered, in an arbor – the noise of chatter and the gossip which would have normally taken up the final hour of the soiree of this most illustrious gentleman; that gentleman we have the good fortune to know as Langdale Pike, behind them, a quiet reminder of that other world they had temporarily left behind. Langdale Pike smiled cognizantly. “Do you come here often?”

“The day I am not in attendance at the scene of such depravity and debauchery, the world as we know it will have fallen victim to the most brilliant of diseases and ‘tis well that I should not be here to cast my eye upon it.” His enunciation conveyed a mystique to his words which she seemed to understand only too well.  “But then, you too are acquainted with the singular breed of unhappy circumstance…” He teased out her story, the personal tragedy of which he had yet to be appraised.

“Why is it you do not join in the party? Are you hiding from something?”

“Those that participate are hiding. I am their observer. My presence guarantees their continuity. I am, you might say, the arbiter of fact and law. They can relax because it is I who will hold them together. Each is bound unto me and I exercise no favour which is not equal to them all.”

“You sound like my father.”

“Fernando XII?” He was not asking for verification. “And now, pray tell me, how is it that I can be of assistance to one such as yourself?”

“Help me to rescue my country from the forces which will send it spiralling into the depths from which it once rose to a greatness never to have been equalled.”

“Your views, Signora, I can contest, but my resources, I fear, are inadequate for the tournament which you propose.”

“Your Sir Francis Drake was a capable man.”

“And a pirate with all Her Majesty’s Navy behind him. I, au contraire, have but my wits about me and great service though they have done me today, I cannot promise that they will match up to your exacting expectations.”

“But you will try to help me.” The faltering of her step unbalanced her response.

“Confide in me as others have done, I shall endeavour to help in anyway which lies open to me.”

“It is my son, Alphonso, who is in need of your help.” Langdale Pike inclined his head gravely. “I shall speak without presumption of the knowledge of my affairs which you seem to possess, for it may be that my exposition sheds new light upon the subject.” Her audience was immobile. “The liberals to whom I turned after my father’s death, thereby provoking the war in my country, did, some years ago, revolt against me, causing me to flee from my people who are now forced to hate me, and from my country which was my inheritance. The government of the Republicans, as they so treacherously named themselves, have attempted to hold the fabric together, but it is a rent which cannot be stitched by any such means and it is our renitence which might prove the factor which precedes, as harbinger, our restoration as with your own history.”

“If your General Prim is as poor a tactician as our Lord Protector and his successor, I’m sure that time will tell of its own accord.”

“You speak of time as though we abound in it. I have no claims now that I have neglected my duty at the time when its fulfilment was most wanted. But my son, for him I pray that the restoration will come soon. I know it is what my people want – his people.” For the first time, she was plaintive and Langdale Pike could sense the great urgency with which she beseeched him to become a thread in this complicated, political twine that had entangled her. His earlier observation on the faculties of that temporal calibrator by which we conduct our every effort had established the veracity of her claims and he was prepared to involve himself inextricably.

“Have you expressed these fears to anyone else?”

“You are the first.” Her frankness gave him conviction for a cause.

“Then Signora, permit me awhile and I shall see if I can grab contribute in some way to a solution. If you hear nothing in fortnight, you will know that the resources which I command have not been equal to the task and you will have to continue your search.” The tumble of words in the very depths of her eyes told him of her eternal gratitude. “You are not alone?”

“No, I have been fortunate enough to avail myself of the hospitality of Lady Anthea smartt and I’m content with the assurance that I may continue to do so for the coming weeks. Thank you.” She had gathered herself and departed, as swiftly as she had arrived. Langdale Pike resumed his observations and circulations with renewed vigour.

***

At his club in St. James’ Square the following day (for many a daylight hour spent profitably in discourse and divers, intellectual pursuits at that place so prominent in Mr. Pike circle), Langdale Pike whiled away three parts of the day with a studious collation of hypotheses, extracted subtly and enthusiastically from his sundry acquaintance. The evening following was occupied with the scripting of an unusual work (unusual, that is, for Mr. Pike) which, two days following, was caused to appear in the press along with other, learn learning articles and opinions.

It described the benefits to be derived from that incomparable combination of monarchy with bicameral government, that which admitted of both legislative and discursive activities and the supreme watchfulness and guidance of one whose prowess in such matters was indisputably foremost in the minds of all politicians. It gave an account of the tragic circumstances which had surrounded the United Kingdom’s attempt at a commonwealth over two centuries previous and of how that sorrowful state of affairs was brought to a satisfactory conclusion in 1660, thus laying the foundations for the modern system of unvanquishable and unfading democracy.

Further testimony, provided for those whose intellectual ambitions drove them to read such an article in its entirety, as Langdale Pike was certain those who counted on the Iberian Peninsula would, was adduced in the form of vitriolic vilification of those societies which had not yet aspired to such a civilised state of government. He foretold the downfall of all, iconoclastic communities which failed or refused to adhere to this primordial and so axiomatic an order. He spoke of the fruitfulness of republicanism without the constitutional theory upon which to base it. So far did it go, that those targets which were struck with its force could not fail to be impressed in no small way by its inexorable voracity and Langdale Pike was confident that the excessively smooth to the point of being unctuous gentleman (if we are at liberty to called that title) whom he had been engaged in feigned admiration of his companion the preceding evening and whom nobody had confessed to having invited, and whom no-one could identify and who had vanished quite mysteriously afterwards would ensure that is masters did, at least, avail themselves of the opportunity to be so impressed.

So it was that Langdale Pike meddled in international affairs and one unctuous gentlemen of manifestly alien antecedence reported for duty loyally to Madrid and that only a week later, a great commotion engulfed the Spanish nation and caused numerous, other nations of democratic persuasion to proclaim the eternity of monarchy and Alphonso XII was crowned King of Spain.

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