After the Official Peter Wyngarde Appreciation Society transferred onto the Internet in 1999, Peter would write an annual message to his fans each Christmas. Here are those stories and messages that I still had on file. Enjoy!
1999 Peter’s Christmas Message
Dear All,
I saw the new Martin Pope adaptation of ‘The Turn Of The Screw” on television (ITV – December 26th, 1999) and found it quite wonderful. It was much nearer to Henry James intent.
One of the things that drives me crazy are those women lugging bags like those heavyweight punching-bags some of us release our pent-up spleen over.
These women are the victims of my punch-bag after a shopping spree. They charge through anyone and everyone at break-neck speed, shattering all and sundry in their path. I’m sure they’re the same breed who lacerate your hands when they bump into you in the supermarket.
Only yesterday, after doing my shopping, I was walking back with two bags full. After a few jassles with what I call ‘The Gunboats’ – women who can neither turn right or left to let you pass when they can see you’re burdened down, because they’re built Dreadnoughts, steaming ahead.
Those huge battleships with twin cannons, relentless as they bear down on the enemy. I’m sure it’s the size of those two cannons that prevent them from turning!
So you get home with those special farmhouse eggs totally destroyed; any bottle like the inside of a Thermos Flask, to say nothing of bruised peaches and limp lettuce! How I envy those African women who carry their shopping on their heads! I must practice for my future safety…!
So, as this is the season of good cheer and good will towards mankind and, I’m glad to say, womankind, I have made a resolution: When my groceries have been completely destroyed by one of these stear-ahead “Battleships”, I usually swear under my breath. From now on, I resolve to swear outwardly, as loudly as I can!
Now, a note of serious appreciation:
Tina, as some of you may know, hasn’t been very well this year. I am glad to say that she has now completely recovered. Nevertheless, she has never stinted for a moment from the Hellfire Club Website. Her devotion and dedication is amazing. And it is to her I would like to dedicate all the love and good-will this season, and what the New Year brings.
I’m sure that you all realise that without her, I would have nothing. So let us join together and wish her, as I wish you all, a very Happy Christmas, and a wonderful 2004.
Peter
| Notes: [1]. ‘Rope’ was a BBC production of Patrick Hamilton’s 1929 play, in which Peter played Charles Granillio. It was broadcast on BBC 1 on January 8th, 1950. [2]. ‘Coronation Street’ – Britain’s most successful “soap opera”. Granada Television, 1960 – present day. [3]. Popular London-based television/film magazine. [4]. Jack Clayton: director of the 1961 film, ‘The Innocents’ in which Peter played the evil spectre, Peter Quint. |
2000 Peter’s Christmas Message
A Modern Ghost Story for Christmas: The other day, I was approached by a young black guy who had been staring at me for some time. “I know you, don’t I?” he asked, in his inimitable London accent. He was in his early twenties, and made Gaultier jeans look like last Sunday’s style magazine supplement; it wasn’t so much that he was feeling the width, as the width was all him!
Staring back, I couldn’t say I recognised him. “You into Reggae?” he went on. It was one of those days when a traffic jam could make the difference between me making my appointment or my being hopelessly late. My car was just around the corner, and the traffic was already piling up. But it was too late. I could tell from his determined expression that he was about to root me out. If I answer his question with a “Yes”, I surmised, we’d have had to go into it; if I said “No”, he’ll have doubtless find another subject. So I said, “Yes. I like Reggae very much.” “That’s it then,” he cried. “I’ve seen you down the Vesper!”
This was my second chance, but I blew it. “I’ve never heard of the Vesper!”, I replied. “The Vesperr,” he went on. “In Brixton. I KNEW I’d seen you!” This seemed to satisfy him, as he actually made a half-turn – actually, more of a dance step, or at least a variation of one. It appeared to be a sort of an expression of success. “Yeah!” he went on. “You’re the brother with the piece!” By this point, I’d already started to pop one of those herbal sweets in my mouth, which was a habit I’d acquired when I was feeling nervous, now that I’d given up smoking cigarettes. However, with the word “piece”, I almost choked. In spite of my very short haircut, I knew he wasn’t referring to a wig, but a handgun! A chance meeting had turned into a social issue and a possible moral confrontation…
After patting me on the back – a little too enthusiastically for my comfort, he proceeded to shake my hand vigorously, culminating in the mandatory Jamaican greeting, bringing our knuckles together: “You the man! You the juice!”
“Hold on! Hold on!” I called out, trying to extricate myself from his enveloping greeting. “I’ve told you, I’ve never been to the Vesper!” And then realizing I was in the middle of the street, whispered in his ear, “I don’t carry a ‘piece’ – not even a banana!” (I still don’t know why I said that. Perhaps it was some sort of bizarre association with a Kenneth Williams sketch I’d once seen about a bank robbery). Anyway, after that, he looked rather gloomily at me in disbelief; the eyes that had once looked on with such joy now turned to opaque suspicion.
“Where are you from?” he inquired.
“I think you’ve made a mistake…”
“You’re from Jamaica!” (I’ve met many Jamaicans with varying skin colours. When I go to St. Lucia, I stay with a family of third-generation Jamaicans, and they’re more Anglo-Saxon in manner and appearance than many ex-pats now living here in Britain). “No,” I responded. “But I have been there. Maybe that’s where we met!”
“Never been!” he mumbled. “How about Birmingham?”
“Well, I’ve been there, too…”
“Nah! I left there when I was a kid. I live in Brixton now…”
This was becoming complicated, and the clock was ticking. “Look,” I said, “I’m late for an appointment. You’ve mistaken me for someone else. Let’s leave it at that. Goodbye, good luck, and please excuse me.” And with that, I attempted to cross the main road to my car. But in spite of the noise of the traffic, I heard him sigh: “Yeah, man. Whatever.” This time, he did turn on his heel and move off.
Maybe it was the volume of the traffic, or perhaps it was the thought of being mistaken for someone who was in the habit of carrying a “piece” that had slowed me down, I don’t know, but when I finally arrived at my car and started up the engine, there was a knock at the window. It was my interrogator again.
“Are you on the Internet?” he asked. “The Hellfire Club!” Again, his inflection had no question – it was a statement! All I could do was nod, wish him a Merry Christmas, and drive off.
I caught him waving in the driving mirror as I moved off into the traffic; the smile had returned, leaving me to wonder who was in fact my gun-carrying doppelganger…?
Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year,
Peter
2002 Peter’s Christmas Message
With all the doom and gloom, I’ve decided to become a Member of Parliament! My party will be called the Happy Few Party, or H.F.P. for short. Will you join?
The principal motive being:
- To abolish all Weapons of Mass Destruction.
- To make London the artistic capitol of the world. The financial rewards will go into the artistic qualities which are restricted through lack of funds. Throughout all the creative avenues; painting, theatre, films, poetry and writing etc. Paris will be our example, when it was the artistic capitol of Europe.
- War put an end to that.
The Impressionists were a small group of painters to start with, and look what influence they’ve had – a small Serault fetched £1,000,000 last week at Christies. We’d never be in debt! Our government wouldn’t bleed motorists dry or tax the populous out of sight. Councils would be forced to stop all the gobbledegook; architects stop destroying; no traffic wardens; etc.etc.etc. Creativity would be a priority, as it was in the Seventies. Can you imagine how they’d react if our party was elected? They’re already looking for something to replace the Euro!
Have a lovely, wonderful Christmas, and let’s look forward to a H.F.P. New Year and peace in our time.Yours, as always,
Peter.
2003 Peter’s Christmas Message
Dear All,
One of the things that drives me crazy are those women lugging bags like those heavyweight punching-bags some of us release our pent-up spleen over.
These women are the victims of my punch-bag after a shopping spree. They charge through anyone and everyone at break-neck speed, shattering all and sundry in their path. I’m sure they’re the same breed who lacerate your hands when they bump into you in the supermarket.
Only yesterday, after doing my shopping, I was walking back with two bags full. After a few jassles with what I call ‘The Gunboats’ – women who can neither turn right or left to let you pass when they can see you’re burdened down, because they’re built Dreadnoughts, steaming ahead.
Those huge battleships with twin cannons, relentless as they bear down on the enemy. I’m sure it’s the size of those two cannons that prevent them from turning!
So you get home with those special farmhouse eggs totally destroyed; any bottle like the inside of a Thermos Flask, to say nothing of bruised peaches and limp lettuce! How I envy those African women who carry their shopping on their heads! I must practice for my future safety…!
So, as this is the season of good cheer and good will towards mankind and, I’m glad to say, womankind, I have made a resolution: When my groceries have been completely destroyed by one of these stear-ahead “Battleships”, I usually swear under my breath. From now on, I resolve to swear outwardly, as loudly as I can!
Now, a note of serious appreciation:
Tina, as some of you may know, hasn’t been very well this year. I am glad to say that she has now completely recovered. Nevertheless, she has never stinted for a moment from the Hellfire Club Website. Her devotion and dedication is amazing. And it is to her I would like to dedicate all the love and good-will this season, and what the New Year brings.
I’m sure that you all realise that without her, I would have nothing. So let us join together and wish her, as I wish you all, a very Happy Christmas, and a wonderful 2004.
Peter
Click below for more of Peter’s contributions to the Appreciation Society Magazine
PETER WYNGARDE: The Official Website 
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